Saturday, October 17, 2009

letting it out

i can never sleep. whenever i try to just lay down and relax and go to sleep, my mind starts wandering and eventually gets to Johne, and then there's no sleep. i have to either do something to occupy my mind until i just fall asleep doing it (like reading, watching a movie,etc.) or just stay up so late that i can't stay awake anymore.

this is what's been making me think all day. last night i took a stupid myspace quiz and it asked "who is the last person you told a secret to?"...
i know it's johne. he's the only person i could tell a secret to.

there's not really anyone i can talk to. i feel so alone.

it's times like this at night, when i'm up by myself all alone that i think about life and wonder what the point is.

i just feld i needed to talk this out so it wouldn't get all couped up and then blast out all at once. about a week ago, me and stephen went to bed, and i just suddenly started bawling thinking about Johne and how much i miss him. i felt like a lunatic, because stephen kept asking what was wrong, but i couldn't even talk.

i just can't stand it.